I Am Afraid
by abnormalBehavior
Summary: Three years was a long time to try and get your priorities straight, especially when you're a hero. However, for Robin, he had fallen off the deep end into a hole he couldn't dig himself out. It's all nice and dandy to stay hidden until he gets an unexpected visitor trying to bring him back home. Rob/KF


**A/N: Sooo, new story for a new pairing I fell in love with when reading the story Be Gentle With Me and The Special Two in Teen Titans and Young Justice, and I had to write about it. HAD TO. So, please enjoy!**

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><p><em>Make that money, fake that bunny, ache my tummy.<em>

_On the fence, all the time._

_Paint young honey, face so sunny, ain't that funny?_

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><p>The room smelled of cigarettes and musk. The daylight pouring into the room was shrouded by light curtains blowing softly with the wind. The bed occupied by the apartment's owner was bare of sheets and had old stains littered on the covering. The male's jet black hair crowned around him like a halo. No mask adorned his eyes, no costume signifying his label. For this was not Robin, this was Dick Grayson; the boy who had run away.<p>

Long and quiet breaths of sleep roe from the boy's chest as he dozed. His lithe frame spread out, his arms up near his head and legs straight below. The bed was not in least bit comfortable, but after living in harsh conditions for the past three years, Dick had gotten used to the harsh springs and rancid smell.

A thump on the bottom of the bed caused Dick to stir and open his contacted brown xeyes and yawn. He sat up slowly and felt a soft sensation across his forearm. He smiled and looked down to see an orange tabby purring loudly and rubbing against him gingerly. Dick let his hands caress the cat's fur gently.

"Hungry as usual, I see." He mused and rose from the creaking bed and stretched out his sore muscles. A hand ran through his messy hair, trying to fix it some to no avail. The young man made his way into the run down kitchen with dirty dishes still piled in the sink. Dick sighed and glanced back down at the cat. "I'm getting lazy, Q."

Dick poured a fresh bowl of cat food for Q and began with his morning routine. He took a shower, brushed his teeth along with his hair, put on a fresh T-shirt and faded blue jeans on. He then went to the laundry, taking care of the dirty and clean clothes. Next came the sink, which he made sure to clean accordingly. Then he vacuumed, cleaned the counters and surfaces. After he was done, Dick looked over his work and nodded in approval.

In the beginning, the apartment had been disgusting. Mold, cock roaches, and other life threatening things littered the rooms. However, it didn't last long when Dick called an exterminator, cleaned the mold, and took care of anything else that he deemed unsanitary. Q came later after he found his cheese going missing. The cat had previously lived there before and Dick didn't want to kick the poor guy out. So, they became roommates and shared everything. Although he swore that cheese was off limits for Q, because someday he would get diabetes or something of the sort.

"What do you think Q, good enough for your tastes?" He asked the large tabby cat sitting near his legs. Q met his stare with a 'mew' and moved away to look out a window to the bustling street below. Dick checked the clock above the fridge and moved towards the door. He pulled on a pair of old Nike sneakers and threw on a black jacket, his keys and lighter already inside the front left pocket, and his wallet and a pack of cigarettes in the other.

"Alright, Q, I'll see you later!" Dick called out to his roomie, and stepped out of the apartment, closing the door behind him. He took the stairs down and had already started pulling out a cigarette out from the pack. He past the run down doors, walls, and objects scattered around the floors. Dick past the landlords apartment on the first floor, thankful that he wasn't out and about to call him out about having a cigarette out in the 'lobby'.

Taking out the lighter, cigarette between his lips, Dick lit the bud and breathed in the smoke of nicotine. He sighed out, letting the smoke travel out in the air as he exited the building. The other houses and building remained in the same condition as his own, something he liked. There was no uniqueness.

He was off then, heading towards the underground subway of New York City. Using his metro card, he entered the tiled floors and grinned as he saw and oncoming train. Ignoring the no smoking signs, Dick continued his smoking in peace, sitting alone near the end. A few passengers sent him looks, but one from him caused them to turn away. A few stops later, Dick's cigarette was almost done and he exited the train and went up the stairs into the open air. He was near the ferry and water. Dick turned and headed to a store near the large local library to an open mic café that sold old records and instruments. His workplace as of now to six, then came his next job.

Snuffing out his cigarette, Dick made his way into the shop and was greeted instantly. "Ah, Elliot, there you are!" An old man said cheerfully and sat straighter in his chair. "I was beginning to think you found a new job."

"What, no! I would never!" Dick teased, and hung up his coat on a rack behind the payment desk. He had been at this job for about a year now, after he had finally settled in. It was a fun place to work at and Dick enjoyed the company the old man, Mr. Greene, offered. It reminded him of before, when…

"Is Eli here yet?" A voice called rom the back room and Dick's grin widened. Hannah, another store clerk, entered the room and her eyes landed on Elliot, a frown pulling at her full lips. "Well? Are you going to help me set these new records out?" She asked, hands on her hips.

Dick rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, I'm coming." He moved into the back room to help carry the boxes out and set out the shelves. Dick looked over the records and read their labels. From ACDC to Whitesnake and Kiss. They had many records of the sort and they usually sold well, especially to fathers and mothers passing on their knowledge of legendary bands on. His grin faltered slightly at that, but perked back up when Hannah rounded the corner. "All done here."

"Good. I made coffee, if you want some." Hannah said, her own smiling forming.

"Sure, thanks."

"No problem."

Dick closed the shipment box and picked it up, carrying it back into the backroom, where he set it down by the rest. He then moved back out into the front desk and was handed a warm cup of coffee. He blew on it slightly before taking a small sip. It was warm as the liquid carried down his sore throat, making it feel better already. He took it black, as always. He thanked Hannah, who just waved him off.

The day continued slowly and with few costumers, but Mr. Greene didn't seem to mind, Thursdays were always slow it seemed. By the time it turned five, Dick's eyes were heavy and he was slumped over on the counter. Mr. Greene looked up at him and over at Hannah who was just saying goodbye to their sixth costumer of the day.

"You two can head home, now." He said, smiling at Dick.

Hannah whipped around and practically skipped to the desk. "Really?"

Mr. Greene chuckled and Dick grinned. Hannah was only sixteen and was homeschooled, she had started working at the shop two months ago, and she fit right in. Dick and she got along well, and she made a great pot of coffee.

Being nineteen and living on his own, Hannah had seemed to understand what it was like. She had a mother who was always working and stayed out home, either studying or doing something else. He had gone with her to lunch for multiple occasions and grew a friendship with her. He almost forgot what that felt like. He didn't want her friendship though, he didn't want anything from her. He wished that she wasn't has nice to him as she was, it was unfair. The same went to Mr. Greene.

''Yeah, go on ahead, I can handle things here." Mr. Greene smiled warmly at them both and made a waving gesture. "Go, go, it's alright!"

Hannah patted Dick on the back and quickly gathered her things, saying her goodbyes and running out the door. Dick watched her leave and went to gather his things as well. "Thank you, Mr. Greene."

"Oh, it's nothing, and call me Bill." The old man replied, seemingly happy that Dick hadn't argued against leaving early.

_I don't want to call you Bill, I don't deserve to._

Dick nodded and waved goodbye after putting his jacket on and heading out. Instantly he lit another cigarette and walked down the street, eyes cast upwards. The air was cool for August, surprisingly. It reminded him that winter was coming and he would have to buy extra blankets since the heating didn't work in his apartment. He frowned at his choice in landlords, but it was the least expensive in the area, plus it came with a free cat.

Dick checked the clock on a nearby building and decided he could accept having a few minutes to himself and retraced his steps to Bryant Park. It was a touring spot where buses dropped off visitors to the city, and also had many small shops with items. Dick looked around until he found a store with several blankets on display that seemed warm and the shop had a welcoming smell to it. He spent little time in deciding, simply picking out a black and red blanket, with another yellow. He could never let go of these colors it seemed.

After he had purchased the blankets and had it put in a large brown paper bag, Dick was off again. With a quick glance at a man's wrist watch, the skinny man rushed off into the crowd and headed towards a popular bakery in Rockefeller Center. The bakery was small, but was famous for its edible tea cups and other silverware. Dick was once again greeted by his coworkers Marion and Kyle, one in her forties and the other in his early twenties. It was amazing how the two could be at each other's throats and then go back to being best friends.

"Evening Elliot." Marion said, her head down focusing on the small pastry in her workspace. Dick waved at her and Kyle, going behind the counter and stashing his jacket in a small closet and grabbing an apron. He took his spot beside Kyle, who nudged him with a smile. "How's Hannah doing?"

Dick rolled his eyes. "She's too young for you, perv." _I'm not your friend Kyle._

Kyle simply grinned and continued to mold a large piece of dough with his palms. Dick looked over to see a couple entering the store, and he moved to the register. "Good evening, how can I help you?"

The man smiled down at his girlfriend, who shyly smiled back. "Well, I placed an order in a couple days ago for my girlfriend, for our anniversary."

"Ah, yes, I remember taking your call." Dick said and moved behind the store to grab a large pastry cake with white frosting and glazed dough. He stopped suddenly upon seeing the writing on it and stared at it or a long while.

_Marry Me._

Dick picked it up, undoing the wrapping and coming back out into the front. He heard a few words when the man saw him coming. "Remember when we first met, here? And you had on these big dorky glasses and got frosting on them?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I fell in love with you then, and I want to show you how much I love you."

Dick appeared before them and held out the pastry to the man, who thanked him and gave it to his girlfriend. She gasped upon seeing the writing and when she looked back up at her boyfriend, he was on one knee and pulling out a little black box, which he opened to show a ring.

"Michaela, I love you so much, will you marry me?"

"Oh my god, Adam! Yes, yes, yes!" The girl, Michaela squealed and wrapped her arms around him when he stood. They both looked so happy and it reminded him of Conner and Megan, and when they…

"Excuse me." Dick said suddenly, although over the clapping of the couple's engagement, it was clear no one heard as he excused himself to the bathroom. He pushed open the door and felt hot tears gathering in his eyes. He tried his best to hold them back, but one got loose, and he let a sob out. Everything seemed to hurt at the moment, like his body was on fire. His sore muscles finally began to burn and his stomach flipped inside and he ran into a stall to throw up his coffee and whatever he had eaten before, which hadn't been in days he realized.

Who the fuck was he kidding? What was the point in smiling and trying to survive when everything hurt? He left for a reason, and it wasn't to live in some shitty apartment and deal with peoples seemingly so happy lives. He moved here, hoping to see their lives a train wreck and find solace with their comfort they could share. But no, he wasn't so lucky. Instead he was wallowing in own self-pity, becoming a hollow shell of the person he once was. It was pathetic how low he had sunk. God, he missed them. He missed Wally…Wally.

"Elliot? Are you okay?" Kyle entered the bathroom and saw Dick hunched over the toilet. He looked concerned as he came closer and stood behind him, nor knowing how to comfort the other. "Dude, are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah. I think I caught something."

"Oh, well if you need to go home, Marion and I got this place covered."

"Thanks, sorry." Not really.

"It's cool dude."

Dick nodded and stood and went to the sink to wash his face and mouth, Kyle leaving. Afterwards he pulled off his apron and went to the closet. Marion had asked if he was feeling okay, her voice sounding motherly and experienced, but she could see that he was not okay and agreed with Kyle that should go home and rest.

Then he was out the door, and rubbing at his eyes, the tears eh harbored before wanting to pour out again. "Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying." He whispered to himself. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it, wanting to feel some sort of release. It helped until he reached his apartment by the time it was turning dark.

"Q? Q I'm home!" He called out when he arrived home, and set his jacket on its hook near the door. He looked around the room, his vision blurry from the tears, and saw Q coming towards him. He fell to his knees and scooping the cat up in his arms. His buried his face in the Q's soft fur and heard him mew in response, but he did not scramble away like Dick had thought he would. When he finally let Q go, he stood and went to the bathroom where he opened the cabinet above the sink and pulled out a bottle of anti-depressants. This was pointless, fucking pointless.

Emptying about six pills in his hand, Dick stared down at them for a long time before throwing them across the room and then with the bottle, screaming at it. He gripped his raven locks and slid down to the floor, tears finally streaming down his cheeks.

Suddenly he felt a gust of wind behind him and he whipped around, his leg tripping the intruder to the ground. He groaned and swore, while Dick stood quickly and taking a knife from the bathroom, which he kept many around the house, and held it out in warning. "Who are you?. What the hell are you doing in my apartment?"

"Damn it, Dick. That hurt." The voice said and Dick froze, dropping the knife.

The intruder stood in a flash and walked into the light, with his green eyes vibrant and a shit-eating grin plastered to his features, his red hair tousled. Wally.

"Hey."


End file.
